polaris.

study break.
charcoal.
while listening to jimmy eat world.
more time next time? *sigh

random thought as i proceed to procrastinate.

I could've stopped you from that pill, baby
But you turned me away so down it now, down it now
Swallow the sensation in nocturnal's time
And find kairos in your mind

Bloom your own world of light shows
Find your form of ecstacy in static
Speed up the time and slow down the feel
'Cause this electric carnival can last forever, baby

The day after you're gasping for air
Your breaths become fire and you wish you hadn't
It'll be over when someone saves you
Just know it won't be me

So burn, baby, burn
Another one to keep your head spinning in flames
But know that in twenty years
The flower will wither in the cold winter snow

And I will stand here with my head shaking
You will see that smirk on my face
And in my forever flowing thoughts
I will remember how I had slowly let you die.

here in your arms.

"you are the one, the one who lies close to me. whispers hello, i miss you quite terribly."
An old (favorite) song turned into an acoustic cover? Oh boy, gonna learn this on the guitar. and possibly sing to it too.(:

dear frankie ...

I recently wondered why I never wrote you a letter the way I do with friends from afar. I bite my lip thinking about how I will never get the chance to write a letter in which you can read. I like writing, you know? I like sharing my thoughts and ideas, and to have you read them ... it would've been wonderful ...

When I found out, I was sitting in the middle of a meeting, holding back my shock and tears, trying to absorb and compose myself so no one would know my heart was breaking. Drug overdose? Not possible, you didn't do that kind of stuff. Suicide? You loved and breathe in your life to such great measures that you wouldn't do such a thing. Car accident ... drunk driving? That was probably it, but I know you couldn't have been the drunk driver.

And I was right. I rushed home, memories flowing through my head, all those times at downtown Disney, at the Block ... shit. What happened? I got home, got the phone call, and cried. I began to think of all those times I had been in So Cal, and all those times I never bothered to hit you up to see how you were doing. To go have dinner with you and your girlfriend. I don't know. Anything.

I remember when you threw gold fishes at me while we walked to get Boba Joe's, and then I ended up running into them. You weirdo. It makes me smile thinking about that. You were one of Betty's closest friends, and for that significant amount of time, you became one of mine.

Then there was the time we went to Downtown Disney together; we walked through the stores, playing with all the stuffed plushies. I still have the pictures Betty took. I can't stop looking at them now ...

I also remember the time when we met up after so long and you bought me a rose that your girlfriend wanted to give me and a bag of gold fishes. And later we all watched Batman Begins together. You and I threw popcorn at the rest of them. How can I ever forgot that, you know?

And I almost burst into tears when I was looking at the old pictures that I posted on Facebook the other day. You commented it saying "I want that shark =P" That was the last thing you ever "said" to me, and stupid Facebook never sent me a notification for that. It's okay ... I'll be visiting you in November when I go down there, and I'll get you a shark.(:

Damn Frankie, you are one of the most kind-hearted people I've ever met in my life. Since the first time, you never failed to radiate the world with your smile, energy, and beauty. I never noticed it then, because I never really understood it. All I knew was that you were fun and easy to be around. I felt a sense of comfort and ease whenever I hung out with you. Even if it had been months since I saw you, you were still the exact same Frankie. Just because I hadn't seen you for so and so, didn't mean you were going to be a stranger. Ever. I look back now, and I see everything that you are and how much you've touched my heart. I hope to meet more people like you in my life, who is just as kind-hearted and full of positivity and light, but of course, know that you can never ever be replaced. Smile down on me on the bad days, and I promise you I will try to do the same. I love you, buddy.

"Death ends a life, not a relationship." -Tuesdays With Morrie

mr. j. medeiros - her wings

Absolutely beautiful, the type that make you feel unsuitable
She's uncommon, ain't nothing about her usual
If you'd known her before the transition
You'd be amazed by the changed man, listen
She used to go from this one to that one
To feel complete, she looked for men to make it happen
Until she started askin'
If all things in this world should pass
Show me something that's everlastin'
That's when she met true love, not the word but the action
Taking her way back when she was Eve in the garden of Eden
Before the apple was eaten
Before she used to be the Queen of Clubs
Now it seems she's a wild card, born again, child of God
With a style a little odd for any normal man to marry
But she fits in just fine with the revolutionaries

Out of the gates to the wild blue
Sky's too great, she gotta escape, fly through
With a smile too, kinda remind you
You gotta look ahead and not behind you
She said staring at the sun won't blind you
It's just a lie used by the world to confine you
But I know a place they won't find you
And if you believe, you can fly like I do...

i'm good. i'm gone.

no more make up.
no more drinking.
no more parties.
no more boys.
no more boys.

no more boys.

just dance, reach!, sasc, school, family, and friends.
youth is wasted on the young.
but i won't let it be wasted on me anymore.