daphne loves derby - sundays

"Can't believe the calmness in your bones after everything. And when she dreams, she sees herself in her Sunday dress humming simple melodies she's known since she was only three ... "

i heart jay chou. & cal.

,It's almost 8am, I have not slept, and I have a fat headache, though I am totally unaware as to how this is possible. I am still behind on a day's worth of sleep, but I hope to catch up on it after my last final on Friday. With that being said, I just wanted to write a little bit about my first semester here at Cal.

First off, I cannot believe it's almost over. Time passed by faster than I thought it would, and yet, so many things have been able to fit itself into that time span. I have met numerous people throughout this semester, a majority from Dwinelle session, SASC, & REACH!, three amazing activities that I made the decision to be a part of. I love everything about it.

Finding a new form of dance to partake in has not only improved my physical health, but also my spiritual self in the sense that any type of dance keeps my spirit in the ups; it is music translated through the body, and what can be a better way of expressing love for music?

SASC has taught me a lot about my own culture and the Southeast Asian community. Having knowledge of Southeast Asian history bestowed on me has taught me a lot about my family as well as myself. It is a contribution to my identity. And as they have said, "No history, no self. Know history, know self." I'm not saying that this organization has helped me find me, but it is definitely another light that has turned on in order to help guide my way through the dark roads.

Being a part of REACH! has only furthered my thoughts of becoming a high school English teacher. I have never been so empowered and motivated to be an educator in my future. I guess you can say that the more I'm exposed to different ideas, thoughts, knowledge, and information on education, the more I want to learn.

And that's the best part of Cal. I know that I have always had this keen love for learning about anything and everything, because life and every single thing it has to offer is just so fascinating. The feeling of learning new things is like a whole bunch of mini adrenaline rushes that trickles down my spine, then back up until that feeling reaches my brain and makes me THINK. The beauty in breaking things down. I can't explain it. I just can't.

And I can't say my classes this semester have been amazing, but I did come across some mind-provoking poems that I have fallen in love with. I have also been exposed to a great deal about Mexico, Guatemala, Haiti, and Cuba, a few neighboring countries South of the US. The leftest views my Southern Border professor holds does impact the way I think of America itself. And my Tupac class only furthers my new focal perception of America. I do hope that next semester will hold more intriguing lectures and discussions in class as I have carefully selected my professors this time. School will be more hectic as I am taking more units and I will also be working/tutoring at International Community School in Oakland for BUILD. On top of that is my hope to get better at bgirling and an opportunity to become more involved with SASC and REACH!.

I have many more thoughts. I wish I could sort them out properly so it wouldn't feel so jumbled like fallen jenga blocks. But I'll leave it with one more thing. I am so grateful for having Tran Ngoc Ha up at Cal with me. If it weren't for her, I don't think I could have survived up here; she was one of my biggest support systems when I moved into my new place, and she is still right by me. We text each other almost everyday, see each other every weekend, and somehow manage to not get tired of each other's presence. We even see each other when we're back in San Jose! What the ...?! And the most recent thing that she has witnessed from me is something she's been waiting on for the past seven years. And I'm happy that she's happy for me. If it weren't for her, I would have found a reason to run away from what is now another thing (or rather, person) I am starting to be absolutely grateful for. If I were to define a true friend in a dictionary, she'd be a part of the sample sentence.(: This girl has made my first semester experience at Cal even greater than it already is. I should have written this during Thanksgiving. HAHAHAH but okay, that's all.

Have a wonderful Winter Break everyone. Keep yourself warm and stay safe.<3

This is Tim. He was made with lots of love.(:

love is patient, love is kind

this is a blog.

This is a blog about feeling stressed out of one's mind because finals are almost here. It is a blog full of anxiety that's sure to hit within the next three days, a blog of hyperventilations and brain malfunctions.

This is a blog about the fear of what's about to happen next. It's about not knowing what's ahead. It's about a dark path with no light to guide the way, a blog of insecurities that never seemed to be present until now.

This is a blog about heartaches, a blog that represents the last twenty years of breaking hearts and having one's heart broken, from the first crush in elementary school to one-guy-a-season dating at the start of college. It is a blog that holds no love for love never came, never been felt, never existed.

This is a blog about finding God. It is about looking for something to believe in, about having hope, about faith. It is about holding on when holding on seems like the last thing one wants to do.

This is a blog about questions without answers, about things that can only be thought of at four in the morning as one is laying down next to the fast asleep companion, tired, but can't sleep because there's too many unexplainable thoughts flowing through and the hesitation to speak of it.

This is a blog about the realization that one's emotions have been sustained from society. It is all about the inability to rip out one's scared and sacred heart, throw it to the ground, and show it to the world saying "Take me as I am. Please" because it is too painful, because too much time has been spent being numbed, staying numbed.

This is a blog about hardly ever crying because of that numbness. This blog speaks of the tears that have already shed, the tears that can never be revealed.

This is a blog about knowing that someone is there, but suddenly feeling all alone.

This is a blog.

six more days until my birthday

but that's not the reason why I've been smiling.(:

shadownite = win

mayer hawthorne - maybe so, maybe no

sugar ray | when it's over

"When it's over, that's the time I fall in love again. And when it's over, that's the time you're in my heart again ..."

SASCerade PAArty. hella cutesy.

and yeah, me being my usual self in late hours of the night.
"I fresh, ima independent jerkk"

I miss Jason Wong & Angela Cai right now.

happy november !

yay for new skate deck! I can't wait to set it all up.(:

I finally got to draw in Tran's memo pad which contains a huge collection of drawings from all of her friends. Love the project she's got going on.

And I am now drinking a Skinny Soy Cinnamon Dolce Latte.

Although my webcam is beneficial in the sense that I can take pictures from it, I really wish I had never lost my camera, because losing that camera meant losing pictures that could have been. I think I did fairly well on my second midterm yesterday, and I sure as hell hope it will bring up my grade for that Southern Border class. I wouldn't have studied as well as I did without Son Chau though, who is by the way, an awesome new friend I made at Berkeley.(: I've been trying to get my handstands down at sesh, but it's so damn hard. Gahhh. I hope I'm not getting sick either. And lastly, I realized I will not be back in San Jose until the day of my birthday, because I've got too much work to catch up on and too many things due soon. On a brighter note, SASCerade PAArty on Saturday, then Botanical Garden with Team Fuck Yeah (Bimbo, Boppy, Bacon, Bubbles, Billybob) for a Picnic + more on Sunday. Sounds like the right amount of fun to instill within my weekend. I don't why I'm blogging all of this. I just felt like it. Oh, and I wrote this story as a form of procrastination (and imagination if I might add). Hopefully I can get back to it sometime and finish it.

tomorrow is going to be a long, long day.

american poetry 930am.
break/naptime ? 11am.
lyric verse 1230pm.
southern border 2pm.
break 330pm.
review sesh 5pm.
silent dance party 6pm.
sasc meeting 7pm.
breakdance sesh 830pm.
& maybe skate lesson.

sunlight til sundown, that's how i roll.

this blog is about random shit. and it's going to be long.

And I'm back at Tap Ex, currently taking a break from reading Paradise in Ashes, a novel by my professor, Beatriz Manz; I was suppose to finish it last week before class on Thursday, but I'm only starting it now. On a brighter note, I'm getting closer to catching up in this class.(: Urm, not sure about the other three classes though ...

My sleeping habit is still terrible. I don't know why, but I keep sleeping 9+ hours every night, and I can barely wake up when I have to. It's not because I'm lazy nor is it because I'm depressed. Too much productivity? Nah. Stressed out? It's funny to say that I'm stressed out, though, for I hardly ever have a tendency to go crazy (minus CVC back in high school, of course). So, maybe I'll just wait it out and see if my sleeping schedule will improve or not.

Now that I've been at Berkeley for a few months, I began noticing a few things about myself.

First off, I've already established my "social network" in San Jose, and I am greatly attached to it. Hence, I'm back so often, even though I know I shouldn't be.

Second, I've recognized how often I spend time alone up here. Part of me says it's because I've always been like this; the other tells me that I'm just having a hard time trying to make friends in and out of my classes. I feel this goes back to the first part: how I've already establish my social network. I love meeting new people and getting to know them, but people I do meet at organization meetings and such all seem to already have their own friends and what have you. As welcoming as they are, I still feel isolated in the end.

Third, breakdance sessions are one of the few (maybe even only) things I look forward to. I stopped being physically active after high school, and to feel muscle aches/sores mixed in with gross, sticky sweat ... it feels goddamn good.

Lastly, I've been doubting myself a lot when it comes to the work in class. Perhaps the reason why I've been avoiding my schoolwork is because of the belief that I won't do well in my classes. But last week I got back my first paper at Cal, and I didn't do bad at all for a-night-before paper. Imagine how great it would have been had I done it sooner. So maybe I should really start working hard, like I did when I was at JC.

Anyway, I've been listening to a lot of Phoenix, Kings of Convenience, and Voxtrot (how could I go through a blog without talking about music, right?) lately, and I swear, none of their albums or EPs are ever a disappointment. What I am disappointed about is not being about to see Phoenix when they were in SF a month ago. Such a tragedy. I didn't know they were coming until the lovely housemate Wilson told me. He was going to take me too, but there were reasons why it didn't work out. But seriously, I know Phoenix has recently become more well-known due to their album Wolfgang Amadeus, but believe me, their older albums are just as amazing if not "better" to you. Check it out or ask me about it. As for the other two bands, amazing as well! If it weren't for Christophe, I would have never heard tunes so pleasing, voices so aklgjaoh;shhWOW.

Blogs aren't complete without pictures. Most the time. So here's pikachu if it were real.

And I miss ribbon dancing. A lot.

Oh. I'm not going to be back in San Jose for another month. Don't miss me too much you San Joseneans. <3

voxtrot | long haul

"I wanna catch a love and make it stay, oh it's a long, long haul"

I never downloaded the mp3 album "Raised by Wolves" from Voxtrot because it costs almost $5, but I decided to just do it today. And there is no doubt in my mind that says this wasn't worth it.

i almost got hit by a car (again) today.

And strangely enough, the person was not of Asian descent.

Anyway, just a quick note: learn your then from than, to from too, their from there from they're, your from you're, its from it's, etc. etc. It gets awfully annoying when I see it used in the wrong context from a great deal of people within a day. Jeez.

So I lost my Cal Student ID Card which cost me $25 to replace. I now have to wait until October 28th before I can buy a new semester bus pass for $30 rather than $60. My only form of transportation in Berkeley for now? Two feet attached at the bottom of my legs. FML. On the bright side, more exercise! -____-

I don't have much else to update on. I suck in school right now, and nothing is motivating me to do any better. SASC Meeting tonight then maybe sesh.

If I'm not mistaken, this was taken in 2004;
little tony, cookie, grandpa, bob, mikal, thy, & me(:

tap ex is my new studying center

Went to my third sesh at Dwinell hall last night; mucho learning, mucho practicing, mucho bruises and soreness.

My first midterm at Cal is tomorrow, and I am in no way prepared. Adderall pill might help me out because as you can see, I am in no way focused on my readings. Jeez, maybe I really do have ADD. But seriously, I'll get back to it as soon as I finish this blog. And I shall reward myself with Cheeseboard after I finish a week's worth of reading.(:

So, midterm Thursday. teleBEATS Friday. home to SJ on Saturday; lunch with Jason, hang out with Hong-An? & partay. family time Sunday. major studying/essay writing inbetween. damn, weekend packed!

vsa, lovevolution, & then some

I have to leave for mass in approximately one hour, and I have yet to begin studying for my midterm on Tuesday (the same midterm that I missed review session for on Friday due to the nyquil I took before sleep). But that's fine. I've got it all planned out.

This weekend has been hectic, filled with numerous events, much of which was spent with Tran (please avoid this grammatically incorrect sentence as well as the ones to follow in this blog). Friday evening, Tran and I went to VSA's meeting/Tet Trung Thu. Met some new people, had fun. Saturday was incredibly insane. Went to LOVEVOLUTION minus the after party. Day started out slow, got my phone and camera stolen midday (fml), ran into guys that I session with, but never really knew only to find out that one of them was Tran's friend. So we ended up hanging out with them for the rest of the evening. Lots of congo (with consent) lines, dancing, "whooo!"s, "fuck yeah!"s, and mosh pits. Headed back to Berkeley, bought some food at House of Curries, went to Tran's apartment and enjoyed some electric relaxation music 'cause you know, sharing is caring. We established team fuck yeah: Tran, Francis, Tony, Andrew, and Bryan. And me of course.(:

I guess you can say that even though I lost around $200 worth of items, I somehow managed to have a memorable time. Why mope about something and ruin the mood, right?

tea pong at VSA


paper laterns


lovevolution bandana outfit ;D


and tran rockin' out


team fuck yeah. hahahah

smashing pumpkins | 1979

"... to the lights and towns below faster than the speed of sound; faster than we thought we'd go, beneath the sound of hope."

tupac and shakespeare ... wait what?

I fucken wish I could've met Tupac and talk about his poetry as well as his visionary knowledge through literary works he read. The guy is insane (and I'm not exaggerating).

And the irony of reading this for my class:

"The way these kids study Shakespeare in class now, they will study my work, too" -Tupac Shakur

Yeah, I'm on a Tupac frenzy. Let me be. It's just that I never bothered to take a look at the guy's life, and now, it's incredibly fascinating to discover his ways pre-thug life.

tupac shakur

1. I hate drawing teeth.
2. This was suppose to be a sketch, thus I didn't pay attention to proportion.
3. I'm too tired to ever work on this piece again (got lazy, you can tell)
4. Yeah, this just shows how much I've lost for not practicing.
5. Tupac's a fatty. hahahah :D

jason: "your tupac looks like he ate too many twinkies"

6. 9B & 6B pencils, sketch paper, approx. 2 hrs. fml. fail.

dear berkeley drivers

I've got a proposition for you guys. Call me crazy, but I think Berkeley drivers could and should be more cautious about the pedestrians whom (did I use this in the right context?) they share the streets with. How did I come to this proposal you ask? I almost got ran over four times on my walk home from the Tap Ex in downtown Berkeley. And I wasn't even wearing all black which means I was clearly visible. Jeez, do I need to wear a orange hazard sign in order to keep myself from danger? ):

Catching up on school. Starting to eat healthier because I realized I possess the symptoms for diabetes. Trying to start doing my daily work outs again. I hope that sooner or later I'll get back into running. Left my camera back in San Jose. Almost done with the Initial D DVDs Cuong lent to me. And I can't think of anything else.

sassy september playlist

I thought it'd be kind of cool to share my top played songs (I'm going with 15 songs, just 'cause it's not too much nor too little) of each month. It's quite often (in a "not-to-be-bragging" sort of way) I come across some kind of music I just absolutely love and adore and can't get enough of, and I honestly want to spread the news.

So, this playlist I've compiled is based off of how often I feel I have listened to these songs within the past couple of weeks, how eager I get to talk about them, and well, just how awesome I think they are. Some are old songs that I've recently fallen in love with all over again while others are totally brand new to me. Hopefully this will become one of those monthly things I do (other than get my period ... ha, ha). And if you want to get a hold of one of these songs onto your computer after youtubing/imeeming/whatever-ing, it doesn't hurt to ask the girl who posted this playlist. She'll probably have it. Enjoy!

Nomak - Moon Flow
Asobi Seksu - Thursday (The Twelves Remix)
blink-182 - Dammit
Anya Marina - Vertigo
Zion I & the Grouch - Trains and Planes
Lupe Fiasco - Paris, Tokyo
Zion I - Country Baked Yams feat. Devin the Dude
New Order - Primitive Notion
Lupe Fiasco - Shining Down
Dance Gavin Dance - Uneasy Hearts Weigh the Most
The Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)
The Strokes - Someday
Anberlin - (the symphony of) blase
Phoenix - Fences
The $mash Brother$ - What You Know About Slangin'

beach house fun.

*Minh, Alex, and I have matching tooth brushes ... in different colors! yay!

I guess you can say my choice to somehow miraculously make it out to the beach house this weekend & hang out with the Cupertino boys (and Jean, Keisha, Amber, Elaine) was worth it. And let's not forget that the last night has yet to arrive. I haven't spent this much time with them in so long that it's overwhelmingly nice to be around them. It's only been three years of having them be an existance in my life, but it seems like it's been forever & a day. They're the sweetest guys I know.(:

But anyway, I've been slacking off in school ever since it started, and I think that it's about time I get my act together, start reading all my text books, attending my classes, and know what the fuck is going on in all of them (for as of now, I am completely and utterlessly clueless as to when everything is due or everything that may have already been due). I didn't work my ass off at a JC so that I can now slack off at a University that I'm supposed to be a proud student of. Thus, I am staying in while everyone is at the beach, doing my homework (after this blog break, of course). And later tonight ... PARTY HARDDD BITCHES.

Porposturous people ponder for peace. But perhaps it's because people just don't see.

let me tell you something you don't already know.

So, I've been jumping from one blog site to the next, trying to figure out which one would fit me best. At the very beginning was xanga.com, the ever so teeny-bopper-loving blog page that people enjoyed customizing with their html coding/photoshopping skills. But as time progressed, so did the site itself. I came back to it a few years later only to find that xanga had disabled much of the customizing of one's site. So then I went forth to geocities.com where I began creating my own layouts and blog posts. This got kind of complicated, though, because I never had the program to generate javascript and such, and things got more and more hectic in school. Then came an e-mail from yahoo! telling me that geocities was being shut down. Okay, I thought to myself. This is probably a sign to move on. Thus, I did. And I thought tumblr.com would support my needs, but I was soon faced with disappointment, because although it makes blogging so much easier & faster, it lacks a lot of things I want. And so, I stubbled upon blogspot.com. I don't know how this will go, but I hope it can convince me to love it with all my heart. My god, I feel like I'm looking for the perfect lover, failing epically at it, by the way.

Oh, one more thing. I am not much of a happy camper, because someone thought it would be cool to steal the blog username (soburelusions) I have been using for god knows how long and make a blog on blogspot with it. It is in no way affliated with me. And that is also why I had to come up with some bizarre username of my own. versatilechaiold? Yeah, you'd think I'd be done with making up bullshit words. I'm not.(: