I never realized how fast you can meet, become friends, become more than friends, suddenly fall in love, and then have your heart broken with someone. I did it all in less than a year. Emily? In love? I can hardly believe it myself, but I know what my heart feels. How to explain it ... I don't know. All I know is that it's the first time I've ever felt this unconditional about something, someone.
It's easy for me to fight for this. It has always been easy for me to put up with pain and just cry inside. One thing I've learned the past few years is how to hold onto the things that are worth fighting for. Holding on to the things that you want to put meaning into the "meant to be's." But after these past few days, I realized that sometimes, I need to let go.
Not because it's not worth it. Not because I deserve better. Not because I don't care. Not because I'm giving up.
The cliche saying goes, "If you love something, let it go." I never really understood that until now. Until I've experienced it. I'm letting go because I look at you and see that I can't hold your hand through this beautiful struggle, despite how much I want to. I can't try to make things work when I know you're not ready. And I can't expect you to put up with my pain all the time, because I know it hurts you to see me in the state I am knowing you're the one doing it.
We may grow without each other side by side, but I can't help but hope it doesn't grow us apart. A part of me already knows what I want. But I guess I have to be okay with the unknown. For now, I'll just cry my heart out until I can't cry anymore. Because I know I'm going to be okay. Time heals. And it won't be so bittersweet anymore. It'll be a sweet disposition. <3
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