home sweet home

You were laughing with a hand hoovered over your mouth. I could barely notice the beautiful smile you had beneath it, but despite of that, I didn't mind. The way you spoke, a slur in your speech because you were intoxicated by that fourth Bud Light I witnessed you drinking, made me smile each time. It didn't matter that I was out late tonight, so I stayed and waited for you to find your way home. A conversation that was never supposed to last until sunrise, yet it did. We spoke of being lost in our memories, how fucked up we've become, and how neither of us knew where we were going or what we were doing at that very moment, but despite of that, I didn't mind. The next day, as I drove us to dinner, you mentioned a chip in your tooth along with a story as to why. I couldn't help but smile, thus once more, because now I understood why you made such self-conscious gestures. The things I learned about you within twenty-four hours, and the things that I didn't mind. Perhaps you had found home in me that night as I did in you. But in the end, I guess it wasn't the home sweet home you were looking for.

rooftops

Almost a year ago, I was sitting on a ledge in one of Berkeley's rooftops, and his arms were wrapped around me. Slightly buzzed, but slightly infatuated. Smiles that could radiate the dark night filled with light rain and unpredictable futures. And warmth. Not just our bodies, but within our hearts. The beginning of something that still has me saying quietly to myself, "And again, I still don't know how I managed to stumble across someone like you ..." <3

ni fa ru xue

What an awfully productive weekend (minus the school work).
Went to Temple SF on Friday.
Downtown SJ Saturday.
Family time & CAPAW Sunday.
The beginning of a wonderful book: Persuasion by Jane Austen
Too bad I have hella work to do this week, though.
drama, drama, drama.
Just got back into Jay Chou.
This was the first song that got me listening.




Dinner with Diana at Thai Noodle last Wednesday. nommy.


Flower Tina gave me at CAPAW (I put it in my Grey Goose bottle hahah)

jaded.

I made a list of 10 random things I do that make me happy.
1. knowing that I am a strong, beautiful, and independent womyn
2. drawing a piece of art
3. decorating my room
4. having a clean room! and kitchen. and bathroom.
5. writing love stories
6. writing poetry
7. outreaching to youth about higher education
8. DANCING
9. getting a good grade on papers, exams, etc.
10. affirming myself for the things I do

After I was done making this list, I realized there were so many other things that I hadn't put on it. I won't add to it. I just know that I am the cause of my own happiness through the things I do. Now I just need to actually do those things. oh, and I need to go see a doctor in regards to all my health problems... hahah

Writing my argument/analysis draft. oh boy oh boy. I despise writing these days.

deactivated facebook = active blogspot

Withdrawals...

So I came up with this theory (I think that's what you would call it); if I can go to all my meetings, why can't I go to all my classes, right? Therefore, my new rule is this: if I don't go to my classes, then I won't allow myself to go to meetings. If I don't go to meetings, people will get mad at me. If people get mad at me, I won't feel great. If I don't feel great, I won't go to my classes. See where I'm getting at?

Anyway, my facebook will be gone for awhile. A week, maybe two. I know barely anyone reads my blogs; that's why I'm still using it while I'm on a mini let-me-be-connected-to-people hiatus. I should give up youtube too, but there's too much good music on there ...

two things i want for my birthday

peace of mind.
and the truth before it's too late.

let's fly.

Going through Andy/A-game's (almost) 6gb of music that was embedded into my external hard drive. so far, so, so good.

Life's been full of dramatic breakdowns for me... I went on a two hour drive earlier just to calm my nerves, but in result, I now have less time to study. I'm at a point in my life in which I would have never pictured myself. And no, this is not a good implication either. I've lost the meaning to strong and independent. Self-loving and unconditional giving. I guess I never saw it coming. I feel like I went all in, but the poker hand wasn't good enough. And then I decided to gamble with time, resulting in a loss of chips I didn't even have. I'm so in debt. I need to pay it all back before I can start moving again ... but what if I don't want to move?

On a much lighter note, there are some wonderful and beautiful people in my life; and one of those people is Miss Diana Chandara. And it's not the same without the lovely Lena(r) Tran, but SASCerade was quite a night.

close your eyes.

For once, I am actually up with intentions of finishing some of my work before class. Just sitting in bed, a grande soy green tea frappuccino to keep me company while I'm at it. I also think I'm getting sick. I also don't know why all of this really matters. Maybe I'll look back on this years from now and remember the day? Because who knows what this day will persist of. All I know is that I'm tired, I could use a nap, and there's a paper waiting to be written...

Anyway, I know I rarely get anyone reading this thing (whether or not I should care, I don't know), but I know for an absolute fact that I have to post this video; it has been on repeat for days on end. I have never been this crazed by a youtube "cover." Perhaps it's because the song was changed to be instrumental? *shrugs, it's just that good.(: